A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Pants are for mortals
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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