i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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