I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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