Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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