I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
