woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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