dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
