what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
