Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize