***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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