why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
