how can u be prego again
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
