She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
