we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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