The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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