I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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