Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize