You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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