Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
