And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am naked and annoyed.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
