What did we do last night that was yellow?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize