rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
