there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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