after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Oh god it's open bar.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
