Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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