I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
