I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
