Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
