Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
