I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
