i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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