Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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