and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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