I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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