I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
