I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize