i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
