Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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