We're like a lot better than the average bears
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have fence marks all over my body
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
