Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
