I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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