So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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