if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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