hotel room ftw
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
don't judge my taste in strippers
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
