the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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