I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
