I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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