is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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