Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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