I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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