His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
