FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
