I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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