you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
