that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
