is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
