I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
