he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
