also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You were trust falling into bushes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
