I didn't shave. On purpose
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
