I hate your face
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You're a waste of cheezeits
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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