Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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