Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
