I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
