somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
