I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
