This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
