when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
