Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
