if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I AM VODKA MAN
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize