Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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