Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
